Clear is Kind, Unclear is Shame Spiral: The Art of Effective Feedback
Having worked with managers on performance for my entire career, I wanted to share the most unhelpful feedback that I’ve heard a manager provide.
When a manager says, "I'm not sure what I want, but you're not performing at the level I was hoping," they're essentially saying, "You're doing it wrong, but I don't know what right is." This vague criticism doesn't just fail as feedback—it launches employees into an emotional tailspin.
Telling someone they're falling short without specifics is like handing them a ticket to the shame spiral express. You're essentially saying, "You suck... somehow!" When you can't articulate your expectations, how can you legitimately claim they aren't being met?
The real victim here is growth. Without clear direction, your team member is left to anxiously dissect their every move, wondering where they've gone wrong.
Three Ways to Transform Vague Disappointment into Actionable Feedback:
Examine the assignments you've given. What specific outcomes did you need? Identify the gap between what you're seeing and what success looks like.
Name the qualities you're missing. Is it thoroughness? Regular updates? Strategic thinking? Create a concrete list of behaviors you want to see, then have an honest conversation about how these qualities show up in their work.
When truly stuck, research role standards. Look up typical OKRs for similar positions. Use these as a starting point to establish clear, measurable expectations together.
Remember: Clear feedback is an act of kindness. It shows respect for your team members' time, effort, and emotional wellbeing—and it's the only path to genuine improvement.
